Locked Out

I have experienced one my crowning moronic moments in life and would like to share.

Ever since I purchased girlpants, I've developed a bad habit of not taking my keys with me. Usually I don't need them because we always leave our doors unlocked. Last night I returned to my apartment and was let in the backdoor by some kids who decided to stay up playing Nintendo.

I thought, phew, no problem, I've made it in the building, everything else should be unlocked. I soon realized this was a wrong assumption when I went to open my bedroom door and realized it was locked. I immediately called my roommate's cell phone and discovered that he had gone home for the weekend. Oh well, I thought, I'll just sleep on the couch in the kitchen.

As I cozied up on the sofa, I decided I'd just wake up and have my R.A. open it around 10:00. This would give me enough time to get in and get ready for 10:40 church.

As it happened I woke up at 10:15 and found that my R.A. had already gone to church. This meant there was no plausible way for me to get into my room. After trying to force the lock open with a credit card for twenty minutes, I finally resigned myself to sitting in the kitchen for three hours until everyone returned from church.

And so I was a prisoner, confined in the painted cinderblock walls of my kitchen with only a television for a companion. It didn't help that there was a terrible odor trailing from the sink. It was almost visible. I just lay there on the couch, drifting in and out of consciousness, listening to the rambling daytime television, wishing I was wearing a stuffy suit and sitting in a boring Sunday school class. I'd get up occasionally, pace up and down the hallway, and realized there was nowhere to go but the kitchen. It felt like I was staying at someone's house, and they had awakened yet. You just have to wait around and feel awkward.

After three hours of torturous confinement my R.A. returned from church. I bounded down the stairs as if I'd just been liberated from Auschwitz, excitedly asking him to come unlock my door.